If My Daydreams Could Manifest Into Realities – Lives Would Thus Be Ruined

I am oddly aware of the mixed blessing it is for my daydreams to be conjured into realities. If we had the power to manipulate the minds and emotions of others to the extent that we sometimes desire, lives would undoubtedly be ruined. Sometimes when things do not go my way, when people are not who I wish them to be, or when circumstances seemingly conspire against my happiness I kick and complain, yet somewhere deep down my conscience reminds me that it is as it should be. I do not wish to have puppets and puppies @ my beck and call, therefore free will is indeed a blessing.

We must grow strong in that we can unclench our fists easily. As much as I want to grasp onto someone’s coat tails or collar, I must grow strong in that I can unclench my fists easily – and let go! Let go!

Let go of the ex boyfriend who moved on to the next one two weeks after professing undying love, let go of the father who sends mixed messages about love and then loathing, let go of the landlady who gives you sour looks and more than the usual number of threats in her late payment notices, let go of those who are quick to borrow but never repay.. Just let go.. Clenched fists are the easy part!

Imagine if our minds were powerful and devious enough to do as our hearts willed. Many a relationship would be ruined among friends, lovers, spouses, etc. The order of things is as it is for a reason, and we cannot hope to exert control beyond that which we are responsible for – ourselves! In fact, when we are honest with ourselves we do not want that responsibility.

Take a common scenario: If you want Mr. X to be with you, but he is with Ms. J and you could but will him away by the power of your love and the promise of you lifelong faithfulness would you desire to? The obvious answer might be – YES! For you lay pining for him night after night, and you see his shadow in the being of every man who skips through downtown holding hands, kissing, or even just hailing a cab for his girlfriend. But when you look deeper you might find that in all honesty – you do not want that power.

You want him to *choose you*. Not to be love potion-ed into it. For if his affections occur only after the latter, then you know it is not true love. You also know that the domino effect of every other event will undoubtedly lead a trail of incriminating breadcrumbs to your door! If he stays with you instead of moving to Michigan with Ms. J to start a family, it may be your fault when he gets laid off at work, your fault when Ms. J marries another who ends up beating both her body and her mind mercilessly, your fault when you miscarry his child and he becomes a bitter alcoholic.

Circumstances may never become as grim as described above, on the other hand they may be worse. The point it, one will never know. One will never know how much a single action of a butterfly flapping its wings at one exact moment could have such a domino effect as to impact the lives of others. No one wants that responsibility. To be responsible for one person (yourself), is one thing, but to be responsible for the futures and fortitude of a chain of people based on your heart’s selfishness stealing the free will of another and forcing them into the role you feel they should play is a different matter entirely.

So when next you stumble upon disappointment caused by the selfishness or myopic nature of another – do not let your heart be troubled. Do not let your heart strings be tugged mercilessly out of your chest as you imagine the “what ifs” and strain your mind attempting to magically make things go your way. Of course one cannot expect that you will rejoice in your sorrow, but all I ask is don’t let the light dim in your eyes or your joy diminish – but also realize that you cannot force him/her/them/it into that role you wish they would play. You can only do your part, and hold on to your self worth, all the rest is beyond your control.

Unclench your fist and release that person. So too might the ill feelings and weakness flow from your being, leaving you open to grasp onto other things.. Free to lock fingers with one whose looking to hold you. Free to grasp the opportunities that await you in places your mind might have never imagined..

I’ve unclenched my fists and let go of any and everything I sought to hold onto. Below is my official declaration, and the end of the tension.. Below is the beginning of my possibilities.. x

I would not dare to pronounce
The thoughts in my head
The feelings in my chest
The dreams in my bed.

I would not wish to change but a thing
But fear that *one thing*
Would alter – every other
thing.

So therefore I resign
To a fate worse than “what if”
Shutting the window of possibility
Against the raging storm.

My window pane’s already shattered
And as I finger the shards
I know the time is nigh
Before it becomes too hard.

A culmination of storm clouds
Rising and forming
Darkening and gathering
Preparing for the storm

A force of nature
Few can withstand
Drawn to its might
Yet paralyzed by *fright

The storm is the decoy
The clouds are the curtain
Backstage is the truth
Of this I am ever certain

Therein lies a calm
On the brink of calamity
A sane pause
Before the *insanity.

I step away from the window
I draw shut the blinds
Possibility washed away
By the rain and its tide.

Painfully aware that wants
Are in direct opposition to needs
I slowly pull away
As my heart begs and pleads.

Yet, it is not to be
And hence: I no longer resist
Alas it is not so
And I shall not be so egotistic
To transform every other piece (person) to a pawn
In a game so thoroughly *hedonistic.

And as thus I retreat
Chastised by my conscience
Waking up from the dream
To a reality of nonsense…
* alone.

Alone, but aware that better things are to come. x
-zcsj-

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Miss Zeni St. John

Professional & Motivational Writer who writes to inform, educate, and inspire. Professional writing services can be accessed by contacting The Writing Bureau through zeni.stjohn@gmail.com. - Write Words, Right Time, Write Impact.

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