iCan’t write about you. iCan write abou
t anyone else. Cuz everyone else is here to defend themselves.
iCan’t write about you. Because you are far gone. You’ve been here and done this, and left me to mourn.
I don’t know what to say. The words just don’t come out right. Forever out of mind. Never out of sight.
iSee you with my eyes closed. Hear you when iDon’t listen. Feel you when I’m dreaming. Wake up to you missing.
I’m trapped in a prison. My emotions have no release. For while you are the catalyst, you’re also the deceased.
Who do I tell what I’m feeling? It doesn’t matter what iSay. So iWhisper it on the inside. Then I pray and I pray.
What happens to a soul departed after it’s risen up? Does it look down and miss what it’s given up?
Or does it just rejoice in the new, embracing what it could never conjure. Forgetting about the reflection of a life, it was living before.
I want the pain to dissipate. But I know it never will. I take comfort in that fact, for I’m holding on still.
The phone battery is dead, the text messages erased. The voice notes expired. Yet tears still cascade down my face.
It hasn’t been that long. It feels like yesterday. Yet it feels like forever, for the whole future is changed.
Our future a construction site, on which the scaffolding has toppled down. And the foundation crumbled, all is rubble scattered on the ground.
Burying your body, trapping my heart, crushing our construct, as your memory departs.
You cannot be forgotten. I hold on to the pain. And give in to its pull, for then I almost feel sane.
“A penny for my thoughts?” How about a yen? The last place you were spotted. Haven’t seen you since then.
Except for every night. When iDream that you lived. And wake up the next morning, feeling like a kid.
But the pain is my present, and it presents the past. The sleep clears from my eyes, reality sets in fast.
Eyes wide shut I no longer see you. So the pain seeps back into my core. I could have sworn you were right here. I pray I dream again tomorrow.
Why would God let me glimpse you, only to take you back? Why would our souls merge, only to have them retract?
There was a point to our encounters, all pointless now. Was there a point to our encounters? I’ll try figure it out somehow.
The strongest emotions course through my veins, rendering me weakest – my crying is in vain.
I’ve typed and backspaced this many a time, but today I’m not erasing what’s always on my mind.
I don’t know why we met, I don’t know why you left, I don’t know why you slept, but I will never forget.
Your eyes are fading from my mind. I don’t know what hurts most? The fact that I can’t see your face or that I’ll always recognize your ghost. You are embedded in my soul, I feel you in my inhale, gone but not forgotten, the (k)night in my fairytale.
Where everything is bliss, until darkness falls, and everything is perfect, until He calls.
And then you go leaving fingerprints on the doorknob, and the door wide open. Allowing darkness to seep in, and ravage my every emotion.
You make me want to live more, you make me want to feel less, I can’t let go of the “what ifs,” I’m lightweight obsessed.
I’ll wish upon the whole sky, even though iKnow nothing will change, yet still every falling star, will bear mention of your name.
iLoveYou.
iMissYou.
❤
*234 days
The pain is so palbable
as the threads remain unravelled,
unravelling
but always shall string on
as the threads of our living
of loved ones and laughter shared
of friends whose hearts were knit
in purls of oneness.
memories remain
the seen ghosts
the warmth thru a draught cold
of loved ones
here and gone
yet never do they go
for goodbyes of breathlessness
farewells of stillness
even as we who tread the earth
carry them within our being.