The War Against Apathy!

The war against apathy cannot be waged in silence
The war against apathy must be waged with violence!
The most violent of emotions allowed to surface
They must rise and consume with no intro or preface

Apathy is a cancer
That eats away at your dreams
Multiplying your fears
Until they are greater than your means

And fear that you will not conquer them
Gives apathy the cue to take the screen.
And then apathy plays the role
That once belonged to your goal

And apathy takes over the character
That once had so much character
And now the sound of silence
Fills the void that was once laughter


An overwhelming suspicion that you will never succeed
Makes you stiff in the joints, and weak in the knees
It makes you suppress your goals and stifle your dreams
It makes you pretend you care not for the ends nor the means

Yet the truth is that paralysis is fear
And that shrug is a façade behind which you disappear
For you are scared to try and fail and lose what you hold dear
So you raise and lower your shoulders and pretend that you don’t care.

But if you do not try my dear
You have already lost it
What could have been molts away
Shoved into the back of your closet
Wrapping it up, hiding it away
You don’t know what that cost it

It costs it survival
But what you need is a revival
A shovel to resurrect,
And a compass to redirect,
Your footsteps so you find your way
And fear not the journey,
That should have begun yesterday.

For apathy is your enemy,
That seeks to suppress your success
So death to apathy,
The most violent sort of death!
Banish with it fear and laziness,
And negativity’s caress.

Let your passions explode,
And wage war against the apathetic,
Whether its academic, entertaining or simply poetic,
Let your passions pour forth and render apathy apologetic.

Bend it and twist it and turn it to your will!
Manipulate it until you’ve had your fill!
Until your emotions well up and begin to overflow
Until you’re suffering from passion overload!
Until you must create or sing or write or draw!
Until you’re broken and fixed and apathetic no more!
Until you’re ready to love and hate and go to war!
Until you’re human and whole and half and sore!
Until you’re living and breathing and an emotional whore!
Until you’re reckless and breathless and longing for more!
Until apathy is banished and the rebellion floored!
Until you’re ready to take the penalty against apathy and score!
Ready to live life as if it weren’t a chore
Ready to worry less and do so much more!
Until apathy is the Passover that dares not stop but soars
Far away from your dreams like the blood smeared door

Until you are ready to take a chance and ready to perform,
Ready to throw away the umbrella and dance in the storm
Ready to give apathy a one-way ticket to hell,
And banish the barriers in your mind that refuse to let you EXCEL!

x

Photo Sources:

http://www.neopets.com/nt/68/rainbow_article.phtml

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Unattainable

You know that feeling that you’ve worked hard but it’s just not good enough? You’ve achieved everything you want to no doubt, but yet in the bigger tapestry of your masterpiece it’s such a small thread that you barely  take the time to appreciate it. Without it, your picture thus far could have unravelled, yet stepping back it’s such a small detail that it hardly seems to matter. You smile, and thank God for the feeling of contentment your achievement brings and sigh a sigh of relief that you are not currently feeling the weight of disappointment that would have occured had you failed, but with that you quickly move on.

I am very familiar with this feeling. And that is how I feel. A year well spent, yet I seek ways (on my knees, in my mind, in my dreams) to leverage these achievements and use them as a stepping stone towards more. I hope, pray, and wish that if these are your hopes, prayers, and wishes you find ways to exponentially expand on your achievements of the past year, create new opportunities, and continue to weave your way to that which you define as #success as well.

The applause go off.
They say their proud.
I’m not pleased.
It just feels loud.

I know I did “alright.”
They call it “better than okay.”
Yet to me it feels
Like just another damn day.

Yes I worked hard
God knows I struggled
Every night on my knees
Begging him to bless this hustle.

They see the A-chievements
All lined up
And so they think
I’ve made the cut.

But they know not what chases me
What I breathlessly flee from
The reason why I push myself so
The reason why I run

Its more than meets the eye
Greater than basic achievements.
I want to lay to rest this fear
Bury these bereavements.

Its for the generation past
Its for the generation next
Its for everyone I feel responsible for
Everyone who still expects.

I don’t want to cause disappointment
Or a downturned smile
Because I could not provide
So God bless this child.

I want to have my own
To have and to hold
And I want to rest in that knowledge
Solid gold.

I know my hard work must meet
With the mistress known as opportunity
So I’ll push it to the limit
Working to the brink of insanity.

Yes I have faith.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t do my part
As long as blood circulates in my body
And flows to my beating heart.

I cannot be satisfied by subpar achievements
I cannot afford to do “alright”
My heart will not allow it
Therein lies my plight.

I’ll run in such a way as to get the prize
Not stopping when I stumble
I know what I’m running from
I remain ever humble.

I’ll run to the finish line,
Then I’ll run some more.
I know where I’m headed
Father fling wide the door!

#relentless.



Photo source: http://www.beerandbourbon.com/north-carolina/contests

Dear Baby Yet Unborn (Volume I)

Dear darling daughter,

What can I warn you about this world you will one day enter? Of this I do not know. It is ever changing and realities are always shifting, yet I will try. I know not what the conditions surrounding your birth will be, yet some constants shall remain ever true:

I can tell you that degrees matter more and less. To be well educated is invaluable, yet real money is less frequently attained through a predictable trajectory, but more so through trial and error, and most often a brilliant idea + a little bit of luck.

I can tell you that people are always changing. Buying new body parts and sometimes snipping off old ones as the definition of “beauty” changes. But this my love, is not what true beauty is.

Beautiful is you! Unborn and untouched, yet known before ever being knit in my womb. I know nothing about you, other than you will be part me. And this – is more than enough. You have no father yet to speak of, and while conception is years away – love is already here to stay.

Beauty is confidence in your talents and acknowlegment of your flaws. One who strives and is not afraid to fall. Beauty is the potential and possibility that is you.

I learned to love by how I was loved, and that love demanded only one thing from me: that I be the absolute best version of myself. That I strive and seek to succeed, never settling or letting fear paralyze my progress towards the path ahead. That I accept a helping hand from the source from which love sprung forth whenever I fell, and allowed myself a dust-off and to be enveloped in warm arms, while I prepared to head back out.

And so my love, my love for you will be thus: Be who YOU want to be. Doctor, carpenter, career services counselor, painter, or poet. Live life on your own terms – determining what income level satisfies you, what continent you will reside on, whether you will travel by yatch or donkey – and whichever, I shall love you both ceaselessly and carelessly.

Strength comes from within, and with the still silent voice within as your guide, and an ample support system outside you shall attain, gain, and maintain *strength.

 
I was never told what I should be. Never advised against pursuing my dreams. Never given a mold of which I had to stretch or fold to fit into. I was simply loved. And I pay that love forward to the next rightful owner in generation next.

As it flows through my veins, it will one day pass through the umbilical cord to the literal center of your little being, and then you will know what I know. That you are loved! Just as I have and continue to be sustained by the love that my mother radiates towards me. Love that is so deeply embedded and so strongly felt that I understand perfectly what was designed in the heavens with regards to pure undiluted and untainted parent-to-child love, and the even greater prototype of how He first loved us. Love deep enough that I am convicted enough to make my musings known to you years in advance.

The task the lays ahead concerning you is daunting, so I prepare now. Studying and working and discerning and hoping and above all – praying, so that years from now your arrival shall be to one where fear of tomorrow shall never wrinkle your delicate little forehead.

Yet here I am getting ahead of myself. I speak as one who is already on the brink of where I’m merely looking out to. But to be forearmed is to be better prepared, so I take my advice and hold on to it, invest it to see if it will bring forth returns. And these assets I shall use to further myself, and this wisdom I shall plant in my heart so that the tree of truth shall grow, and when you too begin to grow years from now – you shall reside in the shade of assurance that in this ever changing universe – heaven, hope, and my heart beat attuned to yours – are ever constant.

My darling daughter – What can I warn you about this world you will one day enter? Of this I do not know. It is ever changing and realities are shifting, yet I will try. I know not what the conditions of 2017 will be, yet some constants shall remain ever true: I will always always love you, and as thus it is critical to prepare now, to be a woman you will be proud of, to live a life whose mistakes you can learn from, to become a mother that you will choose to love back – for who I was, who I am, and who I am yet to become. To be one so full of life that it oozes out of my very pores and pours back into yours (as biologically impossible as that may sound), to be one with the One who first entrusted you to me so that the plans for your life and my role in them may become evident.

I do not know what the future shall hold in exact quantities, but the ingredients for an enriching existence I now seek:

Enough strength of character to be strong when you are not

Enough discernment to discipline you when all I feel is biased love

Enough restraint to save now and build towards a better life for you

Enough worry to keep you safe and say “no” when you should not

Enough love to make the world feel like home

Yet enough truth serum to teach you that it is not

Enough resilience to find the right father

Enough prayers to bind it all together

AND enough love to assure you that you are more than enough.

Ever Yours,

Mommy?

*Meet the Parents*

I was nervous when I brought him home!

I had never brought anyone home to meet the parents before! Never mind the friends, family, co-workers, crushes, exes, and strangers all in one go. Yet here I was, exposing my true love to everyone – all at once.

I wondered what people would say when they truly got a look at him! Would they think him brave, stuck up, too opinionated? Would they think he was too young? I feared they might call him uppity, simplistic, jobless, inconsistent and worst of all – untalented!

Yet I was tired. Tired of keeping him locked up in my bedroom. Tired of being the only one who was allowed to interact with him. Tired of exploring the depths of his mind, thoughts, and intentions through the tattered and torn pages of journal entries. I don’t want my covert operation to be under wraps anymore, I’m ready for the expose’.

I don’t know when I fell in love with him. He started as a figment of my imagination, and the reality of him just escalated as my obsession grew. I find traces of him in blue and black and purple ink.

I had used him many times, truth be told. Trusted him countless others. He was the one I told tales that consisted of my real truths and he’d never let me down, yet here I was about to share him with the world with mixed signals regarding his consent.

But it had been decided. I was ready to put the thoughts in my head to bed – piece by piece. So I found him a cover – www.piecesofme89.wordpress.com – and rolled out the red carpet.

It was time to move my love out – from the recesses of my mind into the arena where the critics and commentators might reach him. Open to the eyes and ideas of all. Friend and foe. Yet I was ready. For as my fingers stroked the keyboard, thoughts of him flowed through me, and each and every day from HP Pavillions, to borrowed Mac books, to computer lab keyboards, to black berry notes he was oozing out bit by bit. I could not supress him if I dared, and as my opinions got stronger, so his hold of me tightened.. For he was I, and I am him – inseperable!

He is my thoughts, my feelings, the very expression of myself. “Once Upon A Blogspot” is his alias, but his true name might as be the same query as my name – “what have you brought to the world?”

He brings inconsistencies, the various faces of all my identities, the thoughts I have neither time nor inclination to speak out loud. He is the discussions I barely explore with others, the truths I tell myself and then forget, he is me without punctuation and I regard this his official presentation.

He may speak on issues, on crushes and cares, on fears and fortunes,on future amibtions. He may have subtle suggestions or strong convictions, yet each and everytime I respect his honesty. Bold enough to bring down the barriers of my mind and to keep typing when I long to backspace.

Who deserves to meet the parents? He does! He is my circle of trust, for he knows and interprets each and every truth. AND whether he is right or wrong, he still comes forth, and for that my deepest respect. Whether he is misunderstood or related to, supported or scorned, here’s my fiance y’all. 🙂

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce myself – inside out.