Unattainable

You know that feeling that you’ve worked hard but it’s just not good enough? You’ve achieved everything you want to no doubt, but yet in the bigger tapestry of your masterpiece it’s such a small thread that you barely  take the time to appreciate it. Without it, your picture thus far could have unravelled, yet stepping back it’s such a small detail that it hardly seems to matter. You smile, and thank God for the feeling of contentment your achievement brings and sigh a sigh of relief that you are not currently feeling the weight of disappointment that would have occured had you failed, but with that you quickly move on.

I am very familiar with this feeling. And that is how I feel. A year well spent, yet I seek ways (on my knees, in my mind, in my dreams) to leverage these achievements and use them as a stepping stone towards more. I hope, pray, and wish that if these are your hopes, prayers, and wishes you find ways to exponentially expand on your achievements of the past year, create new opportunities, and continue to weave your way to that which you define as #success as well.

The applause go off.
They say their proud.
I’m not pleased.
It just feels loud.

I know I did “alright.”
They call it “better than okay.”
Yet to me it feels
Like just another damn day.

Yes I worked hard
God knows I struggled
Every night on my knees
Begging him to bless this hustle.

They see the A-chievements
All lined up
And so they think
I’ve made the cut.

But they know not what chases me
What I breathlessly flee from
The reason why I push myself so
The reason why I run

Its more than meets the eye
Greater than basic achievements.
I want to lay to rest this fear
Bury these bereavements.

Its for the generation past
Its for the generation next
Its for everyone I feel responsible for
Everyone who still expects.

I don’t want to cause disappointment
Or a downturned smile
Because I could not provide
So God bless this child.

I want to have my own
To have and to hold
And I want to rest in that knowledge
Solid gold.

I know my hard work must meet
With the mistress known as opportunity
So I’ll push it to the limit
Working to the brink of insanity.

Yes I have faith.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t do my part
As long as blood circulates in my body
And flows to my beating heart.

I cannot be satisfied by subpar achievements
I cannot afford to do “alright”
My heart will not allow it
Therein lies my plight.

I’ll run in such a way as to get the prize
Not stopping when I stumble
I know what I’m running from
I remain ever humble.

I’ll run to the finish line,
Then I’ll run some more.
I know where I’m headed
Father fling wide the door!

#relentless.



Photo source: http://www.beerandbourbon.com/north-carolina/contests

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